Sticks and Stones

I have been thinking a lot this week about the power of words, their power for good and their power for evil. This past Saturday I had the opportunity of helping a young couple to, through the use of their words, bind themselves to one another in the presence of God and others. With their words they promised to be loving and faithful to one another in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as they both shall live. That’s the power of words for good. The power of words for evil has also been on display this week through the comments of the Republican Senate candidate from Missouri, Todd Akin, and his reference to “legitimate rape,” of which there is no such thing and the positioning of those two words together can never, ever, be okay. His words have enraged not only his opponent, but his own party, the entire female gender, and all the rest of us. Wasn't it Democrat Harry Reid who said back in 2010 for talking about how President Obama was electable because he was light skinned and used "no negro dialect." Mr. Reid and now Mr. Akin should have read Proverbs 21:23 before they spoke. That verse says, “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.” This week Mr. Akin has found that words have power. Just two words may end your career.

You would think that as a pastor I would realize the power of words. I mean, I specialize in words, right? I write sermons and blog posts about the God who spoke the universe into existence with His words, about our Lord who John calls “the Word made flesh.” I am often called to speak words of comfort to those who are grieving and words of encouragement to the discouraged. With degrees in creative writing and religion, you’d think it would sink in by now that words do have great power—for good and for evil. Yet my mouth still gets me in trouble sometimes. This is nothing new. I spent a lot of time in detention as a kid because of my mouth and a lot of time grounded at home for the same reason. When I was twenty-two and working for Enterprise Rent-A-Car I was speaking to a potential customer on the phone. She continued to ask question after question and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. It was a Saturday morning so I was working the little office in Stillwater, Oklahoma by myself. A customer who had a reservation came in and sat down in the chair in front of me. I tried and tried to finish the phone conversation. Finally I was able to butt in enough to ask the woman on the phone, “Can I get a number where I can call you back or do you mind holding?” Of course she said she’d prefer to hold. So I pressed the hold button on the phone, hung it up, and began talking to the customer in front of me about how sorry I was that the lady on the phone wouldn’t shut up and how I’d been trying to get rid of her for about twenty minutes. Then I heard the woman’s voice who was on hold on the phone. “I can’t believe you just said that about me,” she said. My stomach shot up into my throat when it dawned on me that by accident I had put her on speaker phone, not on hold. Open mouth, insert foot.

How awful, not just that I’d been caught but that I said those things in the first place. If what Jesus said in Matthew 15:18 is true (and I most certainly believe it is), that “the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them,” then my heart showed itself not only to the customer on the phone but to the customer sitting in front of me. My words defiled me.

I learned a very important lesson on that day twelve years ago, a lesson that I obviously still remember. But, it was not a definitive lesson because I continually sin in this arena. My biggest problem now is not that I say things that are intentionally rude or hurtful or to bring others down (which I still find myself doing sometimes). My biggest problem is that very often when I am about to open my mouth I have to make a choice as to whether or not I’m going to say something appropriate, something funny, or nothing at all. Quite often I choose to say something funny, which is not always appropriate and it would have been better had I not said anything. For instance, the other day I was talking to some parents and a Sunday school teacher about how large and I believe I used the word “crazy” the Kindergarten through second grade Sunday school class is going to be this fall. “We’re going to need more adults in there” someone said. Then came the moment when I had the choice: nothing, appropriate, or funny. You know the choice I made. I said, “Adults? We’re going to need tasers!” Ha, ha, ha.

People laughed. I’d used that joke before ever since I’d gotten it from a military policeman who used to help with the middle school youth group in Norman when he wasn’t in Afghanistan or Iraq. When he saw how wild the middle school boys were he said, “I should have brought my taser.” Ha, ha, ha. We all laughed. But after I said it this last time about a bunch of 5-8 year olds, which includes my own son, I started to wish later that I had not said it. The few people who heard it know me well and know that I love kids and would do anything to bring kids closer to Jesus and that I would never hurt them. But what if somebody who didn’t know me that well heard me? Even worse, what if one of the little kids had heard me? “Mommy, Pastor Everett says he’s going to use a taser on my Sunday school class. What’s a taser?” That’s not a conversation I want to have with a parent. As a pastor I should know the truth of what James writes in 1:26, “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.” With my unwise words I proved in that moment that my religion was worthless.

Perhaps the greatest guidance in regard to how we should speak as Christians comes from the pen of the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 4:29. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” If words are not helpful and beneficial to others, then we should not speak them aloud. That doesn’t mean that we never offer constructive feedback or that we never speak hard truths when it must be done. It just means that we have to recognize the power in our words. I’ve read recently that a supervisor or parent should speak five affirmations for every one criticism. We are to build up, not tear down. And, as I read recently in the book Soul Detox: Clean Living in a Contaminated World by Craig Groeschel, we also have to remember that when something positive about someone comes to mind that we should give those words life as well. “You are so faithful to this church… You have been a blessing to me and my family… I can see joy radiating through you… Thank you for taking such good care of me… You are so thoughtful…” These words bring life. Proverbs 16:24 tells us, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” How true, how true.

Everything I say has the potential to cause reactions like, “Christians are such hypocrites… If all Presbyterians are like that I don’t want anything to do with that church… That new Miller family is so rude… People from Oklahoma must be idiots…” I represent so many people, not to mention my God, in every interaction I have. And whether or not you realize it, so do you. So I’m asking God to help me use my words to build up instead of to tear down and for the Holy Spirit to push me toward appropriate or nothing more often than funny. I’m also going to be guided by the anagram T.H.I.N.K. that you see in this graphic.

It seems like both good and Godly advice. So let’s stop for a moment this week before we say something and pray from Psalm 19:14, “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.”

Have a great first week of school everybody!

Everett