Before I begin, it should be understood that family worship is, in a sense, in the middle of the “worship sandwich.” It is the middle category between personal worship and corporate worship. Personal worship is done by each individual Christian and often utilizes devotional books like Upper Room or These Days, which are both available on the table by Rajean’s office, and are great for this. That could be in the morning, late at night, on your lunch hour, during your planning period, whenever. It should also include prayer. Corporate worship is, of course, what we do at First Presbyterian Church at 10:15 am on Sundays in the sanctuary. That’s when the community of faith gathers together. Personal and family worship flow into corporate worship. Patrick Kavanaugh, in his wonderful book entitled Raising Children to Adore God: Instilling a Lifelong Passion for Worship, writes, “The greatest worshipers I have ever known come to church on Sunday ready to go; the pump is already primed because they have spent the week worshiping God.”
Each evening, when Danielle, Wyatt (6), Josselyn (3), and I sit down at the dinner table together we, like pretty much every Christian family, begin by asking God’s blessing on our food. Sometimes we sing the “Johnny Appleseed Song;” sometimes we sing the doxology; sometimes we sing “The Superman Prayer.” Sometimes I lead us in a spoken prayer. But at least half the time one of the kids will lead us in prayer and the rest of us will repeat after them. I love hearing my three-year-old little girl pray, with folded hands, “Thank you God. Thank you for our food. Thank you for our family. Thank you for our church and school. Amen.” Then, as we’re eating, we do what we have named “The Daily Sandwich.” Sometimes Josselyn goofs up and calls it “The Daily Bread.” I love it that my three-year-old accidentally quotes the Lord’s Prayer sometimes. She also had her mermaid doll in the bathtub praying, “Thy kingdom come” each time she came out of the water. Anyway, that’s probably enough bragging on my kids (for now). The daily sandwich is when each person tells a good thing from that day, a bad thing from that day, and ends with another good thing. Even Josselyn can do this quite well and we hear all kinds of great stuff from both kids. None of these things are family worship, but they do make it easier for us to flow into family worship (some call it family devotions) right after dinner.
We have our family worship immediately after we eat. It is a time that works for us. We are all four at the table and it is not quite time for bath and bed. Sometimes I do have a meeting at the church or Cub Scouts, but on those days we just eat a little earlier than on other days. If for some reason we don’t eat at home, we tend to do it at the dinner table sometime before going to bed. We’ve tried to do it in the living room but there are just too many distractions for the kids to make it work for us. While the dinner table certainly is not the only (or even the best for some families) place for family worship to take place, I want to take a quick aside to put in a plug for frequent shared family meals at the dinner table. I don’t know what the primary sources are for the following findings but I’ve found them in several places and do remember hearing many of them in my youth ministry courses in seminary. Supposedly, when the entire family eats dinner together on a regular basis, you tend to eat healthier meals and smaller portions. Kids are less likely to become overweight or obese. Kids are more likely to stay away from cigarettes. Kids are less likely to drink alcohol or try marijuana or illicit drugs. School grades tend to be better. When surveys were done of the students with the highest ACT and SAT scores, one of the striking common denominators was that a great percentage of the highest scorers reported a high frequency of eating dinner together at the dinner table with the family (no TV). The most important reasons, however, are that you and your kids will talk more, you'll be more likely to hear about a serious problem, kids will feel like you're proud of them, and there will be less stress and tension at home. We may say, “We’re too busy for that.” In response that I’d challenge us all to ask ourselves the question: “Are we, then, perhaps too busy?”
After we finish eating, we clear the table as a family. A few times we tried not clearing the table yet so we wouldn’t have to struggle with Josselyn to get her back to the table willingly, but we kept finding her reaching into the bowls or onto other people’s plates during the prayers. That little girl is like a cute little blonde haired goat. Actually, the last time we didn’t clear the table first she spread herself across the table during a song in an attempt to grab the last of the pork chops. It also seems more reverent to me to have a clean table instead of half eaten food all over the table. So after we finish eating, we clear the table, spray it down, and wipe it and then immediately return to the clean table for family worship, which includes three basic elements: Scripture, song, and prayer.
Having a six-year-old and a three-year-old, we do our Scripture reading out of a story Bible. We use the Spark Story Bible, which is the same Bible we use in our Sunday school curriculum at the church. You could use any good story Bible. We have started in with the New Testament stories. Based upon some things I’ve read, I believe it is best to start with Jesus. The most important aspects of the Christian faith for our young kids to take in on a daily basis are the person and work of Jesus Christ. How can we expect them to grow into a mature relationship with God through Jesus Christ, to be devoted disciples of Jesus, if they don’t know him? Eventually, we’ll move to the Old Testament, but I’d really like for that to happen when they have a solid grasp on who their Lord and Savior is. So each day we begin family worship by reading one story from the Spark Story Bible going in order from “Angels Visit” onward. If it is three or four pages (illustrated and large print) then Danielle or I read it. If it is short, Wyatt reads it. Josselyn usually tries whispering something to one of us in the midst of the reading. She has trouble being quiet and listening, even with pictures! We do not discuss the reading as of yet. When the kids are older we will discuss whatever we read.
After the reading, we sing two or three (sometimes four) songs together. Some of the songs we sing are church camp songs or some of the old standard praise songs like “Step by Step,” but mostly what we sing are kids Bible/worship songs. We love Wee Sing: Bible Songs because there are 63 songs, sung by kids, with an accompanying songbook. We sing along with the CD. If someone in your family plays an instrument you could do this the old fashioned (and better) way. After we sing those songs (sometimes with motions), each person has a chance to make a prayer request. During this time, Josselyn has asked us to pray for Jennifer Shaw’s family after her death. We were surprised when we heard that. Wyatt has asked for prayers for the family of Mary Alice Stolsenberg (he couldn’t say Stolsenberg), for Byers Shaw, for the Darling-Collins family after their fire, and also for courage for the first day at school during which he’d have to wear his new glasses. After getting these prayer requests (along with Danielle’s and mine), I lead us in a brief prayer of thanksgiving for our family, of intercession for those requests, and we end with the Lord’s Prayer. When we say “For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen,” we’re done. The whole thing takes fifteen minutes, but it is such an incredibly important fifteen minutes. We do this seven days a week. Since we’d participated in the worship of the gathered covenant community of faith that morning, we tried to take Sunday evenings off but the kids wouldn’t let us. They demanded family worship.
I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. There are not angels flying around our dining room during family worship. The children are not always sitting with folded hands and heavenly smiles pouring out their little hearts to God. Danielle and I are not always well rested and excited for family worship at the end of a long day. Not only has Josselyn pawed pork chops during prayers, but she’s fallen out of her booster seat and banged her head on the floor in the middle of a song. The kids have gotten in fights over who gets to pick a song for us to sing, practically coming to blows over "Peace Like a River." Wyatt has interrupted the prayer to find out if we are, in fact, going to finish the prayer with the Lord’s Prayer (like we’ve done every single night) just so he could “be ready” for it when it happened. Different families will have different challenges, as well as different blessings, when it comes to family worship depending upon the age of their kids and the attitudes and personalities of everyone in the family.
I would say when a kid hits the third grade, it is probably time to switch to reading out of the actual Biblical text or maybe even moving to the NIrV (New International Readers Verson). Since in a couple of years we’ll have a third grader and a five-year-old, we’ll have to see what works best. We may read out of the story Bible and then read the same section out of the actual Biblical text. We’ll see. There are also a lot of great family devotion books that give you a daily reading from Scripture, a brief story or comment on it, some questions to discuss and even prayer prompts. Something we plan to incorporate into family worship at some time in the future is learning the Ten Commandments, probably at first in kid-friendly language. I’d also like for us to learn Jesus’ summary of the law, “You shall love the Lord your God… and your neighbor as yourself.” I’d like for us to memorize the fruits of the Spirit as well as gain some guidance in personal prayer. Eventually, when the kids are older, our Scripture reading during family worship will also be accompanied by a brief devotion based on the Westminster Shorter Catechism, which is really just a way to understand Scripture better. As the kids get older, the songs will change as well. There will be stages during which we need to do some little kid stuff and some bigger kid stuff. Eventually I’d like for us to sing both popular praise songs and hymns. We might try different kinds of prayer. It is also important to me to incorporate elements that push us toward living out our faith in ways that care for the “least of these” and that look toward Christian social justice. In addition to doing other things, we can sing the old song that goes: “What does the Lord require of you? What does the Lord require of you? To do justice, and love kindness, and walk humbly before your God.” Whatever we incorporate into this time will fall into the categories of Scripture, song, and prayer. This is not craft time or game time (which are both entirely appropriate at other times). This is worship time.
If you are like me, right now you are thinking of all the reasons this won’t work. We don’t have time for this. Well, we’ll have to make time if it is important to us. My kids will hate it. Maybe they will; maybe they won’t. Perhaps you can find a way that will engage the kids. But, Everett, I have teenagers! They just might surprise you. They may say it’s dorky and they don’t want to do it. It’s embarrassing for them. Try it anyway. There are resources available for parent-teen devotions. But, we don’t have kids at all or kids in the house anymore. You can still have family worship. In fact, it will probably be easier for you to start this than it has been for any of us. Honestly, Everett, we are Presbyterian Church (USA) Christians, not those kinds of Christians that always seem to have eight kids who are all homeschooled. This is for ultra-conservative fundamentalist religious zealots! Firstly, I'd remind you that those folks are our brothers and sisters in Christ. Secondly, I want you to know that it is not true that family worship is only for "those kinds of Christians." If you didn't read it, I refer you to last week’s post, which includes the words from our very own current edition of the PC(USA) Book of Order that prescribe (or at least encourage) family worship for PC(USA) families. The truth of the matter is that the kinds of Christians that family worship is for are those Christians who take their faith seriously, people who sense that every moment of every day is an encounter with God, people who realize that the home has more of an effect (for good or bad) on the longterm viability of our kids' faith than the congregation does, and people who really care about leading their kids into a lifelong relationship with the Triune God through following Jesus Christ.
In addition to family worship, each night when the kids are tucked in we do a devotion with the kids (individually). Right now, Wyatt is finishing up Five Minute Devotions for Kids: New Testament. In addition to that devotional, Wyatt and I are also reading together through a book called Who Was Martin Luther King Jr.? We’re talking about the role his faith played in his Civil Rights work. Wyatt is also learning about issues of race and equality. Do you know what Wyatt has picked up on the most from that book? Wyatt has said, “Hey, Mom! Did you know that Martin Luther King Jr. was in the children’s choir at his church? And his dad was a pastor! I’m in the children’s choir at church and my dad is a pastor too!” Josselyn just started Devotions for Preschoolers. Last night she was so excited about it that she tried to hold the book while climbing into bed. She fell, which caused the corner of the brand new hardcover book to poke her in the eye. In pain she dropped the book, causing the same corner to land right on the top of my bare foot. After we writhed in pain together, we had a nice little preschool devotion. There are also additional discipleship activities that I’m doing with Wyatt as well, and will eventually do with Josselyn. However, I don’t have time to discuss those at length in this post. All of these things are, of course, being accompanied by affectionate unconditional love and by our doing our best to walk in the ways of Jesus as well. Our kids will very rarely rise above the example we set for them.
So, finally, here is the long awaited link to numerous family worship resources. If you’d appreciate some help in choosing resources for your family and even some help in paying for those resources, then let me know. Based on the wishes that she expressed to me in the months before she died, some of the Jennifer Shaw Fund could surely go to help us get family worship kick-started in the homes of First Presbyterian Church members. Click on the link and it will take you to an Amazon.com wish list. I encourage you as your pastor, as your friend, as a fellow parent, as someone who cares for your congregation, cares for your family, and cares for you, to consider worshiping as a family. As Jerry Marcellino writes, “The establishment of family worship in the home begins with a conviction and then moves to action.” I hope you have the conviction, and I’m willing to do whatever I can to help you take the action.
Link to Family Worship Resources
I look forward to hearing about your experiences as you begin family worship!
In Service to the Gospel,
Everett
